Wednesday, February 27, 2008 @ Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Lost
Sometimes, amidst all the madness of schoolwork and homework, my mind will drift off towards the past, towards the moments in secondary school, primary school...even Basketball and Iban... those fleeting memories...seem to shuttle in and out of my mind...as I continued the senseless task of finishing all my homework...

Come to think of it, most of my blog post really speaks more of the events that I've been through, instead of the feelings that I felt. So, let this post be one of those exceptions...(since i got nothing much else to write)...

It has been close to two months since I got back into school, but the reality of school life has barely sunk into my life. Everyday, as I trudged back home from yet another mentally exhaustive day in school, I will often think deeply. Of course, not those like day-dreaming kind of thoughts, but sudden images of the past will tend to flash into my mind, as if to remind me of those sane moments that would always be etched within the inner realms of my mind.

Sometimes, I will tend to let those thoughts sink deeper into my mind. Sometimes, during the short 10 min trips to school and back, I will close my eyes and let my mind drift...drift away from the burdens of schoolwork and all, into the world of my own. Sometimes, even as I lie on my bed and say goodbye to another day, I would lay for an hour...sleepless...with my mind filled with all the beautiful memories that i have.

Even when I'm walking along the short stretch of the road towards the side gate of my school, I tend to slow down slightly, to take in the sight of the clear blue sky...as well as the break of daylight.

I really don't know why I'm saying all this, but I guess that i just want to pour my heart out today. It seems to me that in spite of all the hectic schedule that lies in wait to swallow me alive, the constant memories of the past, as well as the beautiful and heartwarming times that I had been involved in, would always serve as a catalyst: To inspire me when I'm down, to be there to cheer me up, fight away my fears, to wipe away any potential tears ...and to act as my guardian angel...to hold my hand and guide me out of the constant threat of insanity and stress...

I really can't wait for all these to be over...I really can't wait to take on the A levels, I can't wait to leave TJ...all beaming and proud...to have achieved my desired results...or maybe i can't wait to get into a university?

Which reminds me...I'm already 18, but the path that lies ahead of me seems so unclear and hidden with unknown adversities...the plethora of scholarships...so appealing yet so demanding... And it only serves to increase my hesitance in my ideal choice...What choice to make? What grades to attain? What lies ahead?

I don't know...for the first time...i feel a little lost...Call me independent, but i don't wish to trouble anyone with my thoughts...so here i am...blogging away...releasing all the worry and troubles that I've stored in my heart... Of course, I feel much better now, but whether the feel-good effect will last, I don't know..

I notice that my post is filled with "I don't know"...

On a random note, I heard that the A level results are coming at the end of this week...OMG... I'm so FREAKKKING nervous about it...not sure...a growing uneasiness seems to be gripping me... although deep in my mind, a voice will ring out : You will do well...I know you will...

Let's see what the outcome is...

From the song "So far away-Staind"

this is my life
its not what it was before
all these feelings i've shared
and these are my dreams
that i'd never lived before
somebody shake me
'cause i
i must be sleeping

Lost
W.Q.

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