Sunday, March 9, 2008 @ Sunday, March 09, 2008
Blue
Staring into the starry night,
Wishing that I found the might.
With darkness and the twinkling light,
Oh! What a beautiful sight!

Crap...that was a lousy attempt in writing a poem, but hey, I was just trying to describe how I felt as I sat on the rocky shores along the coast of the sea, looking out into the endless night, with the waves beckoning for me to stay, and the stars with their glimmer of hope. Yet, all i felt was disappointment and anguish at that very moment, as I recalled those moments earlier that day.

Just 7 hours ago, I was pedalling my bike towards school. It was gonna be a special day that day, and I was feeling all nervous and excited. With my mind filled with the captain's ball competition and the LEO outing later that day, I was also worried about the Chinese A level results. It was really the moment of truth, and it kind of reminded me of the same scenario just 2 years back. At that time, it was the announcement of the Chinese O level results, and I was both bewildered and lost for words, as trembling hands received the pink slip of paper, with my eyes staring at that very letter: A.

2 years later, the scenario was unfolding like that of the past, and as I saw the familiar outline of my school, I pedalled harder. Nothing could ever go wrong, could it? Smiling, my confidence grew as I approached my school, my result, my outcome.

Yet, it was not to be. From the moment the teacher mouthed the word "B", all my hopes crashed to the ground. Like a man whose last move was thwarted in a game of chess, I was speechless with the outcome. Even though I quickly regained my composure and congratulated those who got their deserving As.. Deep in my mind, I felt lost and sore.

The day passed by quickly, and by the time I was reminded about my results again, it was at night, during the LEO BBQ. Excusing myself from the bbq, I made my way towards the familiar rocky ledge and sat there. After a while, I lied down on it and faced the starry night. At that very moment, all those memories came rushing back into the mind. All the expectations I had piled on myself felt heavier with each passing thought, and I simply remained where I was, wishing that all the disappointment would just disappear...

I only felt better today, thus giving me the strength to write all these. I know that the outcome seems pretty ok for most people, i guess. But I'm sure that everyone has their own expectations.. and that feeling if not making the cut will just leave a sour taste in my mouth. I hate to admit, but i really HOPE that i can get over it ASAP, for time waits for no man. March Common Tests (MCT) for Bio and Chem this Friday, and next terms gonna be much more busier... I pray for strength and willpower, with a little bit of luck, to get me though the entire year.

Pain keeps me alive... keeps me going on with life...with pain I FIGHT on!

Undaunted,
W.Q.

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